My First Big Childhood Crush
To my crush who never noticed me:
When I was around 11 years old, I first saw you at church. You were alone and silent. You were very neat and cute—a “boy-next-door” type tisoy. My aunts at church couldn’t help but notice you. You were my first ultimate crush, and I can still remember M2M’s “Pretty Boy” playing in the background every time I thought of you, complete with slow-motion effects.
I was still in Grade 6 at that time, but you had already started your career since you were 10 years older than me. But who cares? Age doesn’t matter, right?
You came to Cebu from a different province to practice your profession. You were skilled in programming and fixing computers—such a cute thing for a nagdadalagang dalagang-ging!
You stayed in a boarding house near the church together with some of your colleagues. I heard that you came from a well-to-do Christian family and that you were a “mama’s boy.” You had a sister and no brothers. I knew these things because you were a bit close to my dad. You even fixed our computer several times at home and installed “Delta Force” on our PC, which my kuya and I were addicted to
I remember a time when you were confined in the hospital, and since your family was not here in Cebu, my dad took care of you after you were discharged. You stayed at our house for a few days, and I was kicked out of my room—but I didn’t mind at all! My crush slept in my room, and I slept in my parents’ room. I was sooo kilig knowing we were under the same roof. When you left, I immediately went inside my room and rolled on my bed with an ear-to-ear grin butterflies in my stomach, hearts everywhere, sooo kilig to the bones!
Lol! Then I saw your wristwatch left in my room. In my mind, “I-uli ko ni or itago lang ni nako for remembrance? Ayy! I-uli ko ni para naa koy chance maka-talk niya ig Sunday ”
I never had the chance to talk to you for more than three minutes because I always ran out of words whenever I looked at your cute, flawless face. That Sunday, I gathered the courage to return your wristwatch, but the only words I could say were, “Kuya, imo ning relo? Nabilin sa akong kwarto.” Then you nodded and thanked me. That was it!
Even though it was very short, for my younger self, that was already a big moment.
You were also close to my brother since you were his mentor in playing drums. You were an excellent drummer and mentor to my kuya. The reason I can say that is because my kuya is also great at playing drums and teaching others
Thank you!
I was on cloud nine from the day I first met you until one Sunday service, when you brought a beautiful lady with you. She came from your hometown, and you were both the same age. People said she was your girlfriend. I was a bit affected, but I didn’t mind at all. After all, you never knew you were my crush. To you, I was just a younger sister you occasionally talked to.
After a few months, I no longer saw you at church. Then months became years.
When a Childhood Crush Became Heartbreak
One day, my father brought me and my brother to McDonald’s to eat. I was in second year college at that time, focused on my studies. It was the first time in a long while that I saw you again—and it was also the last time.
My heart leapt when I saw you, but it broke when I saw your rumored girlfriend with you at that table—the same beautiful lady you brought to church years before. Ouch.
I was devastated and even cried secretly. I told myself it was unfair to turn down suitors and keep my heart reserved for someone who never even knew how I felt. I even took an IT course hoping I could become a programmer like you, thinking maybe someday we could work together… and maybe end up together.
I was so heartbroken that I told myself there was no reason to preserve my heart anymore, and that I was free to enter relationships whenever I wanted.
Learning to Guard Your Heart
But when the younger me cried in my room and poured everything out to my very best friend—God—it felt like He was telling me that the BEST was yet to come. That I should prepare myself to meet him someday. That I should finish my studies, get busy in His Kingdom while He prepared both of us in His perfect timing, then get a job after graduation.
Looking back, I realize that God was teaching me something I didn’t fully understand at the time: how to guard my heart. It wasn’t about pretending I didn’t have feelings or never having a crush. It was about learning not to let those feelings determine my worth, my decisions, or the direction of my life.
Years later, Proverbs 4:23 beautifully captures what I believe God was teaching me during that season:
Proverbs 4:23 (NIV)
“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.”
Guarding our hearts doesn’t mean we never experience attraction, excitement, disappointment, or heartbreak. It means being careful about what we allow to shape our hearts and remembering to keep God at the center of our decisions.
By His grace, everything eventually fell into place. So I obeyed Him. I didn’t enter any relationships, finished my studies, and got a job. I started working on June 30, 2009.
When God Wrote a Different Love Story
I remember that on my first day of work, we were introduced to our colleagues and toured around the facility. I noticed a tall, thin, mysterious, bald-headed guy with thick eyebrows, wearing a black-and-white striped sweater and holding a thermal glass.
Yes, he was cute… okay fine, handsome.
He was quiet and mysterious. Little did I know that that same day was the day I met my lifetime partner. God answered my prayer on my very first day of work
The rest is another chapter of my life, which I’ve already shared in previous posts. Hihi.
Guess what? My husband is a programmer. We were workmates, and we ended up together Happily married ♡
Looking back, I realize that God used my childhood crush to preserve me from unnecessary heartbreaks that young girls often go through in experimental relationships. And He used him to prepare me for Reynold—my first and last boyfriend, my true love, my husband, the father of my son and future children ♡
So to my crush who never noticed me—THANK YOU very much for allowing God to use you to protect my heart (even without your awareness, hihi). I look forward to the day I can personally thank you and introduce you to my husband whom I dearly love.
Christian Advice for Girls About Crushes and Relationships
So to all the dalagang-gings out there who are head over heels for their crushes—who see their crush in their noodle soup, dream about them day and night, play FLAMES, and suddenly forget how to speak when their crush is around—kilig is normal. Enjoy it. Inspiration is fine.
But don’t rush your story. Finish your studies, love your parents, honor God, pursue the purpose He has given you, enjoy the season you’re in, and continue becoming the woman God is shaping you to be.
Let God take care of your heart. Know your worth in Christ, and trust Him with your story—whatever that story may look like.
Know Your Worth in Christ
Your worth isn’t determined by whether your crush notices you, whether someone chooses you, or whether you’re currently in a relationship. Your worth is found in Christ.
Guarding your heart doesn’t mean closing yourself off from love. It means allowing God to shape your identity, desires, and decisions so that you don’t look to another person to give you the worth that you already have in Him.
What a long post…
Good night, dear princess. Wait for Prince Charming to wake you up in God’s perfect time. Don’t end up kissing frogs. Hihi. Xoxo
